Five Love Languages
The Five Love Languages
“How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate”
Book by: Gary Chapman
Many of us were raised as children with the golden rule: “do unto others what you would have them do unto to you” Matthew 7:12. As I grew up and developed a stronger sense of empathy I began to realize that in order for the people around you to feel valued and heard, you need to turn the tables. Hence we must “do unto to others as they would have done unto themselves”. I have tried to learn to live by this throughout my adulthood, most importantly as a wife and parent.
When I read “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate
“ Gary Chapman brought this whole ideology into focus for me. The book is easy to read and includes questionnaires and worksheets to help you learn how to apply the love languages in your own life. He does this in a mere 203 pages.
“ Gary Chapman brought this whole ideology into focus for me. The book is easy to read and includes questionnaires and worksheets to help you learn how to apply the love languages in your own life. He does this in a mere 203 pages.
The Languages
The concept of “Love Languages” is clever. Gary has created five categories for these:
- Quality Time
- Words of Affirmation
- Gifts
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch
The basic idea is that we all feel love through different ways in which our mates express it. Most of us feel love as adults in the same way that it was shown to us as children. For instance, as a child I was given gobs of praise and hugs (I am the baby of four children).
Therefore my main love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch. That is to say I hear and feel “I love you” loud and clear through these actions.
When my husband (or anyone for that matter) tells me how much he loves me, praises me or
hugs me, I feel very loved. Here is where it starts to get interesting. My husband has a different main love language. His is “acts of service”. He is hugely
appreciative and loves it when I make him a coffee, good meal or get out and work
with him on a project around the house.
Here is the ah-ha moment!
We tend to show love in the same way we want to receive it. This however may not be
the best way for our loved ones to receive our love and hear it loud and clear.
They need to hear it in one of their main languages. Easy!
Can you see it? My husband is constantly doing wonderful things for me, and I don’t show anywhere near the appreciation for it as I do for just a simple hug. It
isn’t that I don’t appreciate it, I just don’t feel the kind of impact he does and
it shows. Feelings always do.
Varied Levels of Each Language
We each show love through all of these languages at different levels of intensity.
The trick is to understand which languages ring louder for those we love so we can use them to develop loving and strong relationships.
This has added more joy to an already wonderful marriage
(25 years this year). I have also used these concepts to attract more
joy into other relationships in my life. You can too!
I too can relate to your experience, Gord is incredible at ‘doing’ to love and for a long time I did not ’see’ it as love - now, it is different story - I feel the love when he does something just as if he had showered me with all kinds of loving words!!!
I have been sitting her wondering in what way was I shown love as a child and to tell you the honest truth I don’t know!!
Everyone was in pain and it was rare that a moment of conscious love was shown. When I ‘feel’ those moments say with my Mom it was in her ‘being’ with me. They happened infrequently but that is what I remember! How special!
So ‘being’ with people is one of my ways of showing I love and care!
Thank you for allowing me the ’space’ to feel this out! I now appreciate my Mom much more because of it!
Mary
March 4, 2008
Louise, I loved this book. It has also helped my marriage and my relationship with my children and friends.
It takes a long time to sort things out. My husband bought me jewelry for years even though I rarely wear it but it’s what he likes. I have done some similar things with him.
Sandra
March 5, 2008
Mary - Thank you for sharing. What a gift to be able to look back into a difficult childhood and see that there was indeed love. I truly believe it is always there but some people mask it with their own pain.
Louise Aspden
March 5, 2008
Sandra - Congratulations! What a great revelation. It can change any relationship. It is a window into ones true essence, which always is love.
Louise Aspden
March 5, 2008
Yes, and love does not equal jewelry.
I don’t imagine the media helped any with that message.
Sandra
March 11, 2008